My thoughts today x
Being who you are…why is this something we need to keep reminding ourselves of and why is it so easy to fall back into old patterns that don’t work for us? Because we have been conditioned our whole lives we need to fit in with the status quo and societal norms. I have learning lately that becoming myself is a constant work in progress, not a destination that I will ever reach, but a daily exercise in listening to my inner self and remaining open to the idea that I can respond and react to how I feel in any given moment.
I don’t have to do or be like anyone else.
I don’t have to follow the structures formulas for life that others have created, because they aren’t for me…they are for them.
I don’t have to exercise for a certain time each day.
I don’t have to eat certain foods.
I don’t have to work in the way society has dictated for us if that doesn’t work for me.
I don’t have to enjoy what other people enjoy.
I don’t have to strive for the kind of life that others strive for.
I don’t have to feel bad or guilty for not doing any of these things.
I CAN learn to trust myself to live a life that makes me feel content.
It would seem that part of this learning is realising that I will need to go back and revise these lessons multiple times, as it takes time to break this conditioning. I have recently been drawn to reread books that have had a big impact on my mindset even in the last couple of years…perhaps that is one of the few benefits of the menopause brain is that you get to read books again, as if they are new! Haha I am recognising that once again I have slipped back into old people pleasing patterns and doing things to try and please others, and know that for me is what anxiety feels like and is never comfortable.
These last couple of weeks I feel I am in a good phase, at least I think so. I am fighting that urge to please and am being honest with myself, taking notice of my internal reactions to things. I am choosing to eat food that truly feels good to eat. I am wearing clothes that feel good to wear. I am making paintings that feel good to me. I am spending my time doing things that inspire me. I am listening to the voice inside that is telling me what I need, whilst also questioning it to make sure those old thoughts aren’t taking over. All of this doesn’t feel easy. It feels uncomfortable in your body to break out of patterns, but the upside it my mind feels more calm. Of course those nagging doubts and toxic voices still buzz around, like an annoying fly, but I can recognise them now and can swat them away more than I used to.
If persistence is the key then I will persist in this small battle. In a world where so many women and girls face huge struggles, and sometimes death, for the fight to control their own bodies and lives, surely this is the least we can do within our own privileged lives, in the hope that this might contribute, even if only in a small way, towards changing the world for one we can all thrive in.